Sometime in 2011 it dawned on me that I had not really produced anything of my own for a number of years. Somewhere between the arrival of Gray and Tanner and the desire to evolve CMAS, my own creativity got - unintentionally, I would like to think - lost in it all.
I suppose that characterizing the matter as "my creativity" may not be entirely accurate, as certainly I created CMAS and that was not exactly a non-creative endeavor. Far from it. And to be fair, I did write and record several tracks for a bit after Gray was born. Even did a good bit of shows for a time. But overall things had gotten, like much in life can, stagnant.
So maybe it was just timing. Maybe some kind of preemptive midlife crisis of some sort. Whatever. The point is that, whatever the reason, I was not writing much music for quite an extended period of time, and that began to weigh on me more dramatically the more I began to consider it a fact.
And so I began a kind of experiment with this new year of 2012. I resolved that I would write at least one complete song every week. No excuses. Every week. No matter what else was going on. At least one song.
As I am now approaching the midway point I can honestly say it has been quite a journey. One I'm so glad I have embarked on. In fact as it has progressed my only regret it that I did not start it years earlier.
For decades now I have felt that music was a kind of spiritual event for me. It has always been, in a very real sense, my religion. My connection to the universe. My direct tie to the Divine. I was not always able to express that accurately - perhaps not even now - but none the less, it has proven true for me over and over again, and these past months have pretty much solidified what was already a very deep connection for me. That alone has made it worth it.
And this creative reboot has provided so much more. And not just, as I write this, 26 songs in 23 weeks - though that's pretty cool too. It has made my writing process so much stronger. I feel a musical confidence that I have been lacking for some time. In fact on occasion I like to look back over the charts for these new songs and am constantly struck at how much I enjoy them.
Of course there is that matter of what to do with them all. One of the things that became quite clear to me early on was that for it to work I could only approach the week's song as a writer. If I got too in to the role of Performer, or Technical Engineer, or certainly Producer, I would be sunk. In fact that has been one of the other benefits - a significant strengthening of my ability to partition certain skills as needed. Or put better - my ability to focus on serving the song. At the end of the day I can confidently say that is exactly what I am doing. That is exactly what the priority is: serve the song.
It's pleasantly allowed me to move towards decimating my arrogance - something I sadly still struggle with - while reinforcing my ego. The distinction is vital to creative pursuits in my mind. The former is always ultimately self-destructive and terribly "unmusical," while the latter is essential to actually motivate the creative process.
Anyway, I am close to starting to record these songs. Very close. In fact all this creative activity has sparked another, interesting "diversion" as I am now ever closer to unlocking what I would call a great music performance mystery: how to use technology in such a way to maintain the singer-songwriter paradigm, but far bigger in musical scope and sound, while still keeping the song as the priority, not the technology. Again, serve the song. More on this in another post. Soon, I hope. It's pretty cool though, I gotta tell you. More soon...
Anyway, 26 songs is a lot over 23 weeks. (Oh, for those wondering about the math, I had a week were I got 3 and other where I got 2 so that's how that all adds up to 23 in 26.) And though I feel it quite possible am I actually writing the same song over and over again, one thing I am very pleased with is that none of them are "comical" or throw-aways. I feel all are legitimate. None of them have been less than significant as far as I can tell -though some weeks have been tougher than others to have the song fully complete by midnight on Sunday. But in a very real way that has been the point. As the weeks go on I find my writing not only improving, but it's gotten more efficient. I can "find" song faster now. Or perhaps it finds me faster as I am learning how ti get out of my own way.
Speaking of which, though perhaps imperfectly, this reboot has also allowed me to channel a lot of unfocused energy. I find that lately ideas may slow for a time, but the suddenly there will be a flow of ideas that can happen so rapidly that I know I have lost several great ones along the way. Even with my iPhone constantly with me, I lose them all the time. A disappointment for sure, but on the other hand I still have been able to capture so much in it's raw state that I do not foresee a time when meeting the goal of a song a week will be unattainable. Sure it's still somewhat daunting as I think of it, but clearly it's working. Besides the real work is starting to take the shape of getting them all recorded. And that looks to be like a whole other fantastic musical reboot that I'm soon to embark on.
